This is officially the strangest dream I’ve ever had. Bear this in mind as you read:
I’m driving through a small dingy town with my ex-girlfriend, doing 45 in a 45, when a cop pulls us over. I rummage through the glove compartment only to discover we have no registration or insurance information. So we both run up to the taxi parked in front of us to look for registration documents, but all I can find is an empty roll of paper towels. I hand this to the cop who approaches my window, but somehow (I’m not sure) it fired like a gun and the cop fell to the ground.
In a panic, we ran into the nearest apartment and up the stairs to the second floor. On the wall was a rack with two shotguns. I explained things quite reasonably: “We’ve just killed a cop. We’re done for. Do you want to kill yourself, and I’ll kill myself; or do you just want me to kill you then me?” She didn’t think she’d have the nerve to do it herself, so I put the gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. I put my lips around the barrel, winced and pulled the trigger, but the gun only shot a wad of tobacco into my mouth. Then I knew I was in trouble–now I’d killed a cop and this girl.
So I sprint across the room, fling open the french doors and leap from the balconey. Instead of falling (it was many, many stories now), I landed on the balconey below me and a small dinosaur with wings began trying to sell me insurance. Of course, this was really insane, because what insurance salesman would sell to a man about to be introduced to death row, I asked. So he grabbed me with his talons, flew into the air and revealed that I had only given the girl a wad of tobacco as well.
Then he dropped me to my death.
At which point I woke up and thanked the Lord for life, freedom and Tums.
